A Confidential Interrogation Memoir

As transcribed under low light and high suspicion, from a muttering frog in timeout.

“Listen, listen—I didn’t mean to crash the Hollow. I was trying to elevate it. There’s a difference.”

Thus begins the ramble.

It started innocently. Taddle had been skimming through old scrolls left on the edge of Scriblet’s desk—SEO spellbooks, .xml rituals, something about ‘structured incantations.’ It was all very technical, very exciting, very misunderstood.

“I thought if I put out the call… like a frog chorus but for bots… they’d come, see the beauty, index the joy, maybe bring snacks. I was aiming for discovery!”

To do this, he admits to:

• Rewriting the Hollow’s sitemap using a soup ladle and a moonbeam.
• Repeating phrases like “Come forth ye spiders of the net” into a hollow acorn amplified with bird spit.
• Leaving fermented clickbait around key content: phrases like “What happens next will astound your metadata.”

“And sure, I might have painted some mushrooms with nofollow and noindex and yesplease tags. But that’s standard outreach stuff, right?”

Then came the surge.

Not just spiders. Everything came crawling.

Bingbot.
YandexBot.
Something calling itself QwibbleSurge 2.0.
Even Ask Jeeves dusted off his tweed and showed up looking confused.

“It was beautiful. They were everywhere. And then… then came the block.”

The Hollow’s walls creaked. The CDN raised its shields. Facebook tripped on a log and faceplanted into a 403. Twitter got tangled in a dangling thread of unresolved DNS.

“I just wanted the Hollow to be seen,” he croaked softly, slime nose still pressed to the crook of bark.

Summary (for the Archives):
Incident: The Great Crawlapalooza
Date: Circa Summer Solstice, Year of Misindexed Dreams
Perpetrator: Taddle
Intent: Mass crawler attraction, boosted visibility
Outcome: CDN blockade, frog grounding, social media invisibility
Moral: Never trust a frog with full access to your site’s header tags